Wanderlust Will Sell Your Soul

Wanderlust will sell my soul
You left me cold
Never knowing where to go
When I was bold
You said go away
When I was on hold
You said that's not what I need
When I was happy
I made you sad
And when I was sad
That made you happy
This love for me
Is like the worst disease
I can't admit to having
Admitting to weakness
Is worse than the real thing
Even if strength is a figment
Of my overactive imagination
It's better than the reality
Of an over used world

Twist & Pull

Even the hate
Doesn't feel like it should
Even when you're gone
The hatred will remain
The words will fade
But these scars never will
Even as my memories leave
Fall through my fingers
Like sand through the sifter
My addiction to your thoughts
My addiction to you
Will remain
As strong as ever
No matter how many times
I try and calculate
The way out of this circle
That sucks me back in every time
I can never escape
You twist and pull me
Flip me around and play me for a fool
The fool I always am
The fool I refuse to see
I don't see what you see
You see what I never will see
I've tried faking it long enough
It's time to fess up
And face my own conscious

The Only Way Out Is Further In

These inside fears are the worst
That I've ever had to face
There is no greater fear
Than what dwells inside
For what dwells inside lives without a name
And those without a name
Cannot be destroyed
Or ignored, or gotten rid of
You have to live with it
And cherish them, as they eat you alive
Even as they destroy you
Crush you from the inside out
You must love them the same
Because if you give up hope
You give up all chance of survival
All chance of sanity
There is not a single thing you can do
Except close your eyes
And wait for the inevitable dawn
Once the transfer is over
Once the circumstances are correct
Then you can open your eyes
And admit you have changed
Look yourself in the eye
And know that you are not you anymore
What you once hosted
What served you has turned the tables
You know live inside of it
Never knowing when you escape
So start eating my friend
The only way out is further in.

Compartmentalize Or Die

Conversations alone
Are a lot less boring
Than conversations with the dead
Conversations with the dead
Leave you depressed
Dragged down
To their little level
Level your life out
You're taking on water
Listen to the whisper
From the romantic wreckage
There you'll find
The answers you need
The stuff you were trying to find
From the first second you stepped foot
On this misbegotten plan
Every idea is unworthy
Every plan will fail
Unless you don't care
So they can't scare you anymore
But as long as you care
As long as you can't let go
Then you will fail
Compartmentalize or die

Watery Mournfall

Tentative pastoral controversy
Change wandering
swirling caucophony
Surface elsewhere
Somewhat mysterious
Flurries to a minimum
Pouring into and out
Tentative seemingly under
shimmer drift & glisten
Three chords and a violin
simply a chant
Consider "traditional"
Watery mournfal
Centerpiece overdub
Drone overlap
Masking mirroring
Holding turbulence
Catharsis drama
Quiet tension
Usher in the aftermath
Whispering generous background
Poetic and lying
Dense solitute
Desire remembrance
Extend empty terrain
See into secret truths
Speak immeasurably small
Shimmering honest
Emotional dynamic

(This too is a found poem. Found in a review of Dirty Three's Ocean Songs album)

Singular Belief

The abandoned shall rise again
The beaten shall rome the earth
After all has fallen
After the oppressions are driven from the land
Even the most ugly
The most repressed
And certainly the least worthy
Will have more than is her due
There is no limit
To how low the poor can fall
And there is only one limit
As to how rich
The top can get
They can only take
As much as the poor
Have to give
For once the poor run out
Of willing sacrifices
Once they loose their lives
They have nothing left to give
You can't eat thoughts
You won't survive on philosophy
And no matter how interesting
An argument can be
You will die first
Rather than survive
On a singular belief

Self Disconnect

Is there a way
To destroy all
everything I never said
All I wanted to say
But never had the chance
Hit the self destruct
Or the self disconnect
And find out who you are
When the chips are down
And the ships head out to sail
There is no other way
To connect inside
Look inside
Through the ever widening divide
And truly know you
And truly hate you
For there can never be a you
There can only be a me
And the tip of the knife
We are all dancing on
Fall of and you are doomed
Destined to be forgotten
Blow up in righteousness
Know you died
Fighting for the right cause
There can only be one
And that one must be me

Read Through The Centuries

Can't read through the centuries
Lock me down
And keep me safe
Padlock my brain
Tell me you'll keep it free
Wait for the tide
It will be yours
Eventually
Eventuallly
Everything will be yours
Because there will be nothing left
To divide up amongst us
There is no way of knowing
Of predicting the victor
And to the victor go the spoils
And the spills
And the barbed wire pills
To the victor go the history books
To write the story as he sees fit
There is no truer truth
Than the one written
From the end of a gun
On the tip of a bullet
Is all the truth
You will ever need to deny
All wrapped up
In a bottle of gin

Plummeting To Obscurity

Fond of the death spiral
Plummeting to obscurity
Try and escape
You only fall faster
Deeper and deeper
Farther and farther
Away from those
That said they cared
But they'll never really know
What happens behind
This painted pony
That goes down and up
Up and down
Side to side
Caught in a circular landslide

Locked In

Lock in
Go for the kill
Know what you want
Hate what you need
Let's use this light
Turn fate around
There can only be one
To turn this boat around
We could lose control
We could lose all hope
Impressioned and threatened
Shoved out into cold
Not knowing when to stop
Never look back
Don't let the clock stop
If the flag waves
For the final lap
Around the track
If the race must stop
Then I must let
Let go
Don't worry
It's all downup from here
Let go of yourself
The ego is the problem
The id is the cure

Less Epic More Raw

Unhinged from the beginning
Amuse the unamused
Hyperactive Sun Burn
Fight To Survive
The world should be watching
Mesmerising full sound
World torn apart
Listen up
Battle comparisons
In sync for the first time
Biggest package you can
Strike a nerve
Paranoid musings
Somewhat disturbed
Always disturbing
Rock thunder
Down the mountain
Fueled by fear
Infidelity and random murders
Baroque drama
Sits out and steps in
Polished and slick
Less epic more raw
Jackhammers and chainsaws
Bloodcurdling falsetto
Progressive small doses
Headstrong tackle on
Crave unrelenting
Grandiose ambitions

(this is not technically a poem I wrote. It's a found poem using words and phrases that appeared in reviews of Muse albums.)

Westside Connection - Bow Down

Fool For You

Can't you feel him coming?
Creeping up behind you
He's got his army locked in now
No way out but deeper in
There's now way out but deeper in
Look around you
He'll see you soon
Don't worry
It'll only sting a bit
You won't ever have to worry
About your problems again
While your off
Playing in the jungle
The rapidly growing suburbia
Contained within your shrinking mind
He's on wrapping his grip
Around every little problem
You may have created at one time
In your pathetic little mind
When you rub him that way girl
He says you set his soul alive

Essence Of You

Resist the soul attack
That eats away
At the essence of you
The only way you'll ever know
if you were meant to surive
Is to look back
Through mud coloured glasses
And reassses what you thought
Was lost forever
There is no way
To know forever
The only way
Is to now for now

New Story, Untitled As of Right Now

“This looks like the perfect spot Dave, what do you think?” Dave couldn’t actually hear her, as he was about 10 feet behind her, carrying the picnic basket, a jug of water, 2 lawn chairs and a giant umbrella. “Dave? Didn’t you hear what I said? What do you think of this spot?” Stumbling into the clearing, Dave dropped the stuff he was carrying except the water jug. Leaning back he took a gigantic gulp of water. Looking around and wiping the sweat off his brow, Dave said, “It looks just like the other 10 spots we’ve passed. Perfectly fine for a picnic.” Dave put down the jug of water and reached into the picnic basket, looking for a cookie.

Reaching over, Maria slapped his hand away. “If you want food, you are going to have to work for it Mister.” Groaning, Dave slipped to the ground. “We’ve already walked for 2 miles, most of it up hill. Thanks for helping me up that last hill by the way.” Maria reached for his hand, grinning, “I love it when you’re frustrated, it makes your freckles merge together.” “Thanks. Thanks a lot.” Dave said as he stretched for the lawn chairs on the ground. Finally grabbing one, he flipped it open, and dragged himself up onto it.

“Did you happen to pack anything alcoholic in that damn picnic basket of yours?” Dave asked, settling into his chair. “As a matter of fact I did.” His face lighting up, Dave reached for the picnic basket again. Slapping his hand away again, Maria motioned towards the forest. “How can you think of drinking when you’re surrounded by lush vegetation?” “If by lush you mean covered in roots to stumble over, infected with bugs to poison me and filled with animals wanting to eat me, then yes, I would rather drink.”

Maria reached in and pulled Dave up out of his comfy chair. Giving him a slight push, she ran into the rainforest. “Here we go again” Dave muttered as he gave chase. For as long as Dave had known Maria, going on 3 years now, he had never known her to make anything easy. As he gave chase, Dave pulled down tree branches and vines, attempting to mark a path so they could find their way back again.

On and on they ran, through the remote rainforest. Eventually the forest gave out and they were running through the giant rolling hills. Cattle and sheep just stared as the two of them went running past. Eventually Maria either started getting tired or was feeling sorry for Dave so she slowed down and she let him tackle her. They fell together onto the soft grassy hillside, going down in a giant ball of tickling laughter.

Their laughter was quickly brought to a halt by the ominous sound of a gun being cocked. Freezing in place, both Maria and Dave slid apart on the ground. Looking up at the man holding the gun, Dave slowly put his arms up in the air. Looking at Maria, the man said “You might make like your boyfriend unless you want to be ventilated Miss.”

Giving him a stare that would boil water, Maria slowly raised her hands as well. Backing up slightly, the man gave them both a good looking over, then slowly said “Alright. Unless you want to end up as dead as that coyote over there, I suggest you listen to me.” Both Maria and Dave turned their heads at the same time to look at the gruesome sight of a coyote mid-decomposition. “The lack of Vultures around here makes Mother Nature work a little slower than normal.”

Cautiously standing up, Dave asked, “Who the hell are you?” Grinning, the man with the gun smiled and reached into his pocket. “My name’s William Carter, but you can call me Bill. Hope you don’t mind if I smoke.” Reaching into his left breast pocket, Bill fished out a cigarette, left it dangling in his mouth while he fished around in his pocket for a lighter. Lighting it, his wrinkled face curled into a smile. “You are both smarter than I first thought. But not smart enough.”

“How are we not smart enough? We’ve managed to not get shot yet, that seems pretty smart to me.” Mariah said, raising herself up off the ground. “If you were smart enough you would have rushed me while I was getting my lighter, I was distracted and only had one hand. But before you go down that line of thinking any farther, I won’t be doing that again.”

Moving forward a little, Dave brought his hand out in front of him. “My name’s Dave Grant.” Eyeing Dave’s hand suspiciously, Bill slowly brought up his hand and shook Dave’s. “I don’t see how that matters much, but nice to meet you anyway.” As Bill’s attention was on Dave’s hand, Maria launched herself at Bill’s gun arm. Reacting quickly, Bill swung his arm up and down on Maria’s neck, knocking her down to the ground. Leaning over her, he pulled her long black hair away from her neck and stubbed out his cigarette on her neck.

Stepping away from her, he spat to the side “That’ll teach you a little respect.” Dave stepped forward, the vein in his neck bulging. “I can see you’re a fast little bugger Dave, but I bet you that my trigger finger is faster. Wanna see?” It was very obvious that Dave was fighting as hard as he could to not clobber the guy. Seething in anger, the smoke almost literally blowing out of his ears, Dave stepped back and unclenched his fist.

“That’s right Davey boy. Now you just help your girlfriend up there and we’ll be on our way.” Bill motioned with his pistol for Dave to help Mariah up. As Dave picked her up, Bill said “Now, you walk that way, and I’ll follow you. Just follow my directions and nothing bad will happen.” Dave shrugged and started walking.

Never Await Another Sunrise

Why can't you feel just like I do
Why do people have to be so different
If we were made for each other
And we where made for each other
Why are our minds so fixed on different things
All I want, is one little world
All I need is that one little world
Just three big letters and I'll be on my way
On to bigger but not better things
Things that will take my mind off
The inattention I've paid
To the rest of my life
The little things they build up
Slowly breaking me inside
Tearing me down from the outside in
But when you reach my hollow inside
My heart has stopped beating
And my blood has stopped flowing
There's nothing left
But a flowing
Everloving
Neverknowing
Piece of a former human
There will be nothing left
There should be nothing left
If there is something left
Then I have failed
There is nothing
Left for me to do
Except wither away
And never await
Another sunrise

[c] me

A Cool Comic

I did not draw this, but it pretty much sums a lot of my thoughts

Cyber Punk Anti Belief Collection, Poems 8-12

Save Me
Can't you tell
That twinkle in my eye
Is a gentle scream
Telling you to come save me
Save me from my best intentions
If you have ever cared about me
Now's the time to prove it
Save me from myself
And prove that you care

Trapped Inside
Trapped inside
This fake machine
Tells me what to believe
What to think
How to believe
Hit the ground running
Never ask for more
Never look back
And never go back

UnBelieve
Belief in the one true power
Will leave you dead and drained
Loveless and lonely
Unlovely and ugly

Untitled For A Reason
Exist to serve
And to save
Your priceless morality
From becoming
Another uselss commodity
Asleep with our eyes
Wide open so we don't miss
The next opportunity
To shed our shackles
And escape this senseless slaughter
It's gone to waste
All our wasteful days
Never grow to anything
Never figure out what it all means

Cyber Punk Anti Belief Collection Poems 5-8

Don’t Wanna Believe
Not sure I want to believe anymore
Not sure I believed in the first place
Disenchanted with this ghost mistress
She's the one
That's taken your place
In that space
There remains only one
ONLY one that can remain
In this stead of you and me

Love Me NOW
A waste of time
If you don't believe
In me now
Then it's a waste of time
To convince you to love me later
If you don't love me now
You'll never love me later

Same Kinda Threat
The same kinda threat
Said with a golden smile
Will kill you just as dead
As a the same kinda threat
Said with a gutter twist in mind
Spiral into the dark
No voices can be heard
Lost in our infinity
There's no way to be seen

Save heaven For ME
Save heaven for me
Little neutered boy
I'll be waiting
By the cherry blossom fountain
Waiting for you
To come strolling in
So high, fresh off cloud 9
Waiting for you
To come crawling back down
That voice you heard?
The last thing you saw?
That was me
Laughing at you
As we all fall down
Into

The Only Way Out Is Further In

The Only Way Out Is Further In

These inside fears are the worst
That I've ever had to face
There is no greater fear
Than what dwells inside
For what dwells inside lives without a name
And those without a name
Cannot be destroyed
Or ignored, or gotten rid of
You have to live with it
And cherish them, as they eat you alive
Even as they destroy you
Crush you from the inside out
You must love them the same
Because if you give up hope
You give up all chance of surivival
All chance of sanity
There is not a single thing you can do
Except close your eyes
And wait for the enevitable dawn
Once the transfer is over
Once the circumstances are correct
Then you can open your eyes
And admit you have changed
Look yourself in the eye
And know that you are not you anymore
What you once hosted
What served you has turned the tables
You know live inside of it
Never knowing when you escape
So start eating my friend
The only way out is further in.